Do you have an unfaithful spouse at home? If you do, you know how it feels like — being hit by a ton of bricks when you discover a partner has been unfaithful. You may find yourself in the midst of a serious crisis that can destroy your marriage.
It is very likely that you are in pain because of this uncertain act of betrayal and that you have several questions to ask your unfaithful spouse at the moment.
Protecting one’s marriage is among the most challenging things to do. An implication of temptation usually results in infidelity.
In time, the hints turn into flirtations, flirtations into attractions, and attractions ultimately turn into affairs, which are disasters for a married relationship.
As a result of various changes, a lifetime partner transforms into an unfaithful spouse.
Questions To Ask Your Unfaithful Spouse
Here are the lists of 10 infidelity questions to ask your unfaithful spouse.
1. Start with the Basics – Who, When, Where, Why?
Before you start questioning your cheating spouse, try to gather every detail and whereabouts of your spouse and their cheating partner.
Once you gather all the details, it’s time to move on to other questions to ask your unfaithful spouse.
2. How did you allow yourself to cheat?
This would be a perfect question to ask your unfaithful spouse. Through this question, you will be able to dive deeper into your spouse’s thoughts and better understand his perspective as well.
It’s a good way to find out their values and view of morality. While it may be painful to hear how they justify their actions, you need to be attentive if you want to make the best possible decision. During this process, you may uncover weaknesses and vulnerabilities in your marriage.
Again, you may feel overwhelmed by their response, and your emotions will be running high. Let yourself cool off first before asking questions after being cheated on. Your goal here is to get all the information you need so that you can make better decisions.
3. Have you ever considered cheating on me before?
The intent of this question is to find out if the unfaithful spouse had previously thought of cheating on you. As a result of their response, you understand the time since your marriage went south. You need to be aware of any weaknesses in your marriage that may be causing your husband or wife to drift.
Additionally, you can determine if your partner is the kind who actively seeks opportunities to cheat on you. Also, you should be willing to accept the possibility that there may have been more affairs or one-night stands in the past.
4. Do you still have romantic feelings for this person?
With this question, you can understand if your cheating spouse is still romantically involved with his new partner.
Perhaps you ignored the past signs that your spouse was cheating on you. The possibility of your partner being emotionally invested in the other person cannot be ignored.
However, I can assure you that it will not be that easy to ask or answer.
It is important that you both decide what it means for the future of your marriage if they confess to being in love with this other person. Does it exist the possibility that someone could be in love with two people at the same time? I guess you already know the answer.
5. Did you think of me when you were with the affair partner?
By asking this question to your unfaithful partner, it can give you an idea of what was going on in your partner’s head when they were with the other person.
It’s important to remember that an affair is often not about you but rather the needs of the unfaithful spouse.
Cheating spouses and partners are often focused more on the secret and excitement of the affair than on you.
6. For how long were you together?
Being able to listen to the response of your unfaithful spouse might be a bit difficult for you. When they stay long enough, you’ll experience more pain as your life flashes in front of you. Suddenly, you will be able to identify the times that your spouse excused themselves from being with you so they could see their lover.
You may have felt your spouse was cheating on you for a moment, but you ignored it because you thought, “they couldn’t do that to me.” Many of such incidents, the tell-tale signs of cheating, the guilt signs may come to the fore and shake you hard.
It can seem like every special memory you shared during that time was a lie. Feelings of hurt and anger can worsen as a result of this question. You may be unable to think logically after realizing how many late nights your spouse claimed to have had at work, how many business trips he took, and the weekends he spent away.
7. Did you guys plan your future together?
Learn whether your cheating spouse plans to spend time with his partner. The future of their affair becomes evident after they talk about it with their affair partner.
Whether it is something short-term like taking a trip together or something long-term like moving in with them, it shows the level of your spouse’s involvement with that person. If your spouse planned to move in with their lover, then they were too deeply involved.
In other words, they are planning on staying together in the future and not just doing it for a one-shot deal. Sadly, this indicates your spouse doesn’t care about you at all. This would also be a good sign that your spouse does not have feelings for their affair partner.
8. What was missing in our relationship?
The purpose of this question is not to hurt your self-esteem. The reason your spouse chose you is because of your unique personality. Plus, you shouldn’t change yourself in order to be loved and cherished.
The two of you can discuss and work out the affair if your partner felt something was missing from your marriage. However, that does not mean you are to blame for your spouse’s cheating. It gives you a better understanding of their viewpoint, and if you both wish to move forward together, you can work on solving your problems.
9. Do you think you deserve forgiveness?
Your mind and emotions scream at you when someone cheats on you, telling you to hate, punish and never forgive. You can’t let go of those feelings easily.
Nevertheless, forgiving the unfaithful spouse will benefit the faithful person more. Our anger after infidelity lives within us like poison, and In order to move on, forgiveness is the only antidote.
Forgiving a cheater doesn’t mean forgetting about their infidelity. You do not have to condone or excuse the cheating or stay in the relationship if you do not want to. From then on, it is entirely up to you to decide what you want and how you want to deal with the situation.
10. Are you sorry for cheating or are you sorry you were caught?
This is our final and most important question to ask your unfaithful spouse. People are often guilty after getting caught, and your cheating spouse might not be different.
However, should you forgive him? It depends on the sincerity of his apology.
Cheaters don’t always feel guilty about what they do. The only regret they feel is getting caught for not being careful enough.
If that’s true of your partner, then this is likely not their first time cheating on you, and it certainly won’t be their last either.
Unfaithful Spouse: Forgive or Leave?
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
How should you deal with your cheating spouse? Forgive him or leave him? In reality, it is your decision whether you want to give your unfaithful spouse another chance after hearing his response to your questions.
Nonetheless, you may never be able to trust your cheating spouse, and his infidelity will hurt you for the rest of your life.
Trust is key to rebuilding a relationship after infidelity or having a successful future relationship. Cheating destroys trust and the ability to trust, so forgiveness is the first step you must take to rebuild it.
It is the last thing you want in a relationship if your partner cheats. When you forgive them, you can reduce the possibility of being harmed by their dishonesty. As a result, you are more likely to be trustworthy and honest in any relationship.
What if your spouse lies or doesn’t answer?
Alternatively, your unfaithful spouse could lie to you or refuse to answer your questions.
People often lie to protect their egos. They are ashamed of what they are hiding, fear the consequences, and don’t want to face your disappointment in them. It can be very easy for them to convince themselves that they aren’t lying in such situations.
If your spouse lies to preserve his or her ego, tell him or her what you think, what has happened to you, and how you feel. While you are hurting, don’t let your pain spill over into your spouse’s face or try to hurt him/her back (even if you want to). You’d better stay and think carefully about your relationship when things are that heated.
Can You Change Your Unfaithful Spouse?
There are many reasons why people cheat. However, Can a cheater really change? We researched everywhere about this, and the best answer we could come up with was, “It depends.”
It all depends on how much relational self-awareness they have. Try justifying these questions to see if your cheating spouse has a sense of relational self-awareness.
- How much do they regret their actions?
- What have they learned about themselves as a result of the cheating? How do they define fidelity?
- How committed are they to practicing fidelity?
- Are they responsible for the actions they take?
- Have they forgiven themselves?
- What are the things they do now to ensure they stay in their integrity?”
Based on your spouse’s answer to these questions, you can justify whether you can change their cheating behavior or not.